Wednesday, May 31, 2006 (11:29 AM)
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Exam Is Around The Corner
anyway i just realized nowadays my english is getting worst... ok... see you after the exam! maybe....
[[3 pieces of advice . . .]]
Friday, May 26, 2006 (1:25 AM)
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Kuingin memegang tanganmu (PART 1)
Bolehkah tanganmu kupegang?
"Maafkan I... I mahu pegang tangan you! Err... boleh?"
Entah mengapa kumulakan kata dengan maaf. Sekadar
berbahasa atau menunjukkan diriku ini gentlemen.
Aini hanya diam. Diam bermakna membenarkan. Tetapi
Aini bukan gadis zaman 50-an, atau 60-an, atau
dulu-dulu. Aini gadis alaf baru yang ada ijazah
kepujian. Aini bukan gadis sebarangan.
Masihkah Aini berpegang pada sifat malu dan cara
berkomunikasi yang sinonim dikaitkan dengan wanita
Melayu? Diam tandanya mahu. Malu tetapi mahu. Aku
tidak pasti tetapi nafsuku begitu membuak-buak
ingin menyentuh tangan halusnya yang runcing.
Mana kau tahu tangan Aini halus, tanya hati
gelapku? Itu anggapanku saja. Seringkali aku
menjeling-jeling tangan bogelnya. Rasanya tangan
itu mesti lembut. Ohh... sebab itu aku teringin
sekali menyentuhnya. Adakah dia rela tangannya kuusap?
Aini masih diam. Tubuhnya bergerak ke belakang,
sedikit saja tetapi seperti dia mahu menjauhi aku.
"Kenapa you nak pegang tangan I?" Tanyanya lembut.
Suara halusnya cukup jelas kudengar. Tetapi aku
pura-pura tidak perasan membuatkan Aini mengulang
pertanyaannya tadi. Kali ini lebih kuat dan jelas.
Perlukah aku memberitahu tentang mimpi dan
fikiranku yang berserabut. Tentang ingatanku
kepada Aini. Di kepalaku hanya ada Aini. Ini
memang cinta tetapi sebagai lelaki, nafsuku
membara sama. Mahu dekat selalu dengan Aini dan
mahu lebih intim lagi. Paling sedikit, aku
teringin memegang tangannya, sekejap pun jadilah.
"Mana mahu jadi sekejap," itu kata temannya Osman.
"Kau memang rasa hendak pegang kejap saja tetapi
kau gerenti tak mahu lepaskan. Kena pula dia pun
suka, sepanjang hari pun boleh tu..."
Berdekah-dekah gelak Osman. Katanya itu realiti.
Namun aku tidak pasti jika hanya teringin atau
mahu terus memiliki Aini.
Minggu lalu ketika menghantar Aini pulang ke
rumahnya, jari jemari kami tersentuh sewaktu aku
dan dia sama-sama ingin mencari siaran radio.
Berderau darahku. Aini cepat-cepat menarik
tangannya. Sejak hari itu Aini selalu mencari
alasan untuk menolak ajakanku daripada
menghantarnya pulang. Selalu sangat dia pulang
lebih awal atau menumpang temannya yang lain.
"Sudah empat tahun kita berkawan... Memang lama.
Apa salahnya I pegang tangan you..."
"You rasa sudah tiba masanya kita boleh berpegang
tangan?"
"Tak mengapalah kalau tak boleh. I hormat
pendirian you."
"Kenapa pendirian i pula? Pendirian you sendiri
bagaimana? Tak sama?" Aku terkedu dengan
pertanyaan Aini. Sudah lama kami berkawan, sejak
di universiti lagi.
Kuingin memegang tanganmu(PART 2)
Kami sering berterus-terang dalam apa perkara
sekali pun. Cara Aini menjaga diri dan
pendiriannya antara penyebab aku meletak minat
yang tinggi padanya. Aini umpama mawar berduri
yang ramai lelaki ingin miliki. Tetapi dia memilih
aku menjadi buah hatinya.
"Lagipun kita akan berkahwin juga nanti 'kan."
Cara kami berpacaran mungkin tidak sama dengan
remaja lain. Semuanya kerana pendirian Aini
itulah. Walau ada rindu-rinduan tetapi kami tidak
pernah bersentuhan. Sehinggalah baru-baru ini aku
mula merasakan ingin menyentuh Aini, sekadar
menyentuh tangannya pun jadilah.
"Ini bukan pendirian saja tetapi pegangan. Di mana
pegangan you? Macam mana you boleh terfikir
tiba-tiba hendak memegang tangan I?"
"Sebab I lelaki... jadi I rasa, perasaan teringin
tu memang biasa dan semula jadi."
"Teringin bukan bermakna mesti buat. I teringin
banyak perkara, I teringin nak pakai baju
cantik-cantik tetapi semuanya jarang, jadi I tahu
I tak boleh pakai pun. I teringin yang bersolek
cantik, bergincu merah menyala ke tempat kerja,
tetapi I tahu berdosa, jadi I tak buat..."
Peluh sejuk mengalir tiba-tiba. Aini tidak marah
pun. Suaranya pun tidak tinggi. Dia bukannya
melenting tetapi kenapa aku tiba-tiba kecut perut.
"Kita sudah biasa berterus-terang Amran, biarkan
kita berterus-terang hari ini. I pun teringin
hendak memegang tangan you. Teringin hendak
berdakap dengan you dan ada kala teringin merasa
diri dibelai... Sebab you lelaki yang I cintai..."
"Aini..."
"Tetapi teringin sajalah... You ingat hanya lelaki
yang ada nafsu?"
Hujung minggu aku pulang ke kampung. Mungkin sudah
tiba masanya aku dan Aini diijabkabulkan. Semuanya
kerana keteringinan kami berdua. Emak bersetuju,
ayah pun gembira. Eloklah masuk meminang kata mereka.
"Meminang?" Tanya Aini. Dia tiba-tiba terkejut.
Wajahnya merah. Tidak pernah Aini terkejut begitu.
"Bila?"
"Bila-bila, asal saja you setuju." Aini
memandangku tepat. "I rasa sudah tiba masanya kita
hidup berumahtangga. I mahu pegang tangan you
selama-lamanya, biar halal caranya."
"Amran, I minta maaf. You pilih I kerana you rasa
I menepati sebagai wanita untuk you peristeri. I
tahu you bangga dengan pendirian I. Tetapi Amran,
you sendiri tidak menepati lelaki yang sepatutnya
menjadi suami I. I rasa pendirian kita kita tidak
sama. Maafkan I...
fuck that!
[[3 pieces of advice . . .]]
Tuesday, May 23, 2006 (10:18 PM)
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Monday, May 22, 2006 (6:11 PM)
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happy birthday to me. thanx to all who wished, sent me emails, testimonials, and even hong kong's postcard and to kisarazu's clan for the cake last night! love you guys!!!
[[1 pieces of advice . . .]]
Thursday, May 18, 2006 (6:15 AM)
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Monday, May 15, 2006 (5:02 PM)
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Sunday, May 14, 2006 (6:07 PM)
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this weekend was awesome!!!! starting from friday, its epitaph showcase at ebisu unit!!! went there alone like always... reached there quite early as i struggle rushing from school after the last class over. it was not quite hard to find the live house. its located underground just like the astro hall. first performance was from matchbook romance. one of emo band that i like. they were cool. after the matchbook, it was the one that i waited so long, motion city soundtrack! at last!! was so glad to see them playing all the old albums songs that i like so much such as my favourite accident and the future freaks me out! the crowd were fun too and it was an enjoyable night!
but the night doesnt stop there, just as the show over, i went to the locker room to get my bag. then i saw a cool motion city soundtrack t-shirt and matchbook romance's bassist at the goods near the locker room. so after i got my bag i went to the goods and guess who i saw? hoho... im not gonna tell you guys coz i want to keep it to myself. ok i just give u guys a hint, i saw two girls that i admire the most right now (instead my mom, of coz i admire her the most) haha. by the way i help them talking to the matchbook bassist in english and also took their pictures together. one of them bought the cool motion city soundtrack t-shirt that i just said before and to make it worst, she bought the last t-shirt there. arghh... i want to buy that one!!! anyway, i can buy one in chiba that have panda in it hehe. so i dont mind at all. then the other one help me taking myself and the matchbook bassist picture! what a night huh. so i got to talk a little with the girls during that time and during my walk to the ebisu station. met them again and had some short conversation before reaching the station.
then from ebisu its a one hour journey to tochigi. im going to see conconjump the next day with faiz!!! so i reached at oyama before 12 am and waited for faiz and his kohai to come. they came at last and brought me to one of the coolest japanese restaurant there. got my dinner there and then straight to oyama kosen where i get my rest for the night!
so the next day it was raining non stop. faiz told me again and again that it was impossible to go to the station that time with bicycle. so we ended up going there with taxi. so from oyama station we went to utsunomiya station where the conconjump live will take place. reached there at 7pm and we have only 45 minutes to go to the live house before conconjump was schedule to perform. i was told by faiz that the live house is far from the station. i didnt believed at first until i reached the live house 30 minutes after that by walking. what the f%&k! its really far!
anyway, we entered the live house and like the night before have an enjoyable night too! met with concon fan from fukushima. during concon performance he dance with me. he is a nice guy! i think so. and also met with two nice local lady. one of them even recommended me some nice place to go during my last time tochigi tour. so she recognized me. we all had good time talking and taking pictures there haha. then i bought the new concon tshirt! i chosed purple color coz it fits with their new towel that i just bought last week at their shibuya live. faiz also bought one of their tshirt but the old design one. then i que up to have their signature on the new shirt hehe. anyway, utsunomiya was great! the fan are more here and there are all nice and cool! i was relieved to came here!
so after saying goodbye to all the concon members (except tomocchi who always hiding herself) we headed home to oyama kosen! and today i just reached home here at kisarazu. at last home huh. wut a tired week but having a lot of fun!! im sure will come to utsunomiya again!! faiz, mata jyama suruyo!!! haha!!!
and not to forget, happy mother's day to my mom!!! and the new concon tshirt is cool but im sure will not be wearing it in malaysia coz its wrote f*cking darling on the back. cool huh haha!!! [[0 pieces of advice . . .]]
Thursday, May 11, 2006 (9:58 PM)
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today we lost again in volleyball. its been 3 weeks lost in a row. today i made some points but made a lot of mistakes too. kawazu san, gomennasai!!! she's our leader anyway.
have u guys heard of The Network? no? its greenday trying to be cool.three of them plus two more members all wearing some weird mask and play some techno power pop music. hmm... its a good idea anyway but why must wearing mask? is it the new style now? cant understand. maybe they trying to hide their greenday-fame but still everyone know they are greenday. anyway, talking about wearing mask band, i came across a band that wearing animal mask and the band name is The Sound Of Animal Fighting. when i checked them out more detail, they were actually a combination of other band's member such as finch and rx bandits. now thats the real cool! and i heard their songs in purevolume. it was kind of experimental songs. you never heard any of it before. no band ever play such songs. it was so cool! cant wait to buy their album!!! [[0 pieces of advice . . .]]
Tuesday, May 09, 2006 (10:18 PM)
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yea yea.. its the asean festival story! want to make it short so we performed on that day! the night before we had to sleep in nyonjo's car coz we didnt want to trouble nyonjo's kohai who so kind to offer their bedroom to us. anyway thanx tu gibran and joshua, two indonesian guys who helped us during the night. you guys rock! and not to forget nyonjo for lending his car. so we had a good night sleep... but not that comfortable. the rental man came on time in the morning and setting all the equipment very fast and professional. the hall was crowded by people before the event even started. a lot of familiar faces and so do new faces. our performance was second last. we want to make it last but munzer refuse coz he want to do silat last. yeah... its cool that way anyway. if munzer got injured on silat he cannot play the guitar anymore rite? before the performance i was so nervous. its my first time playing guitar anyway in front of other people. so you got the feeling rite. first song we did was lena diulit by wings and i did good on that one. the second song was disaster. it was jesnita from exist. before the performance we all didnt have any confidence on this one anyway. first my solo guitar was terrible because i was so nervous at that time. then after munzer solo guitar paklan didnt enter right and so the song became horrible. but we did quite ok on covering it by making jokes during the performance saying we enter it again one more time. the crowd were laughing on that. thanx god. and the last song was perfect! its hidup bersame from s g beng. nice selection of song rite? this time me and paklan had already practiced dancing for this song. so its quite cool haha. so thats all for our performance. thanx to the people who gave us compliment. we really want to go to the next level! hope so! thanx to people who come and wait for our performance. love you guys! and thanx to wei tze for believing on us!
Sunday, May 07, 2006 (9:47 PM)
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testing one two three [[0 pieces of advice . . .]]
Saturday, May 06, 2006 (11:20 PM)
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its near the end of golden week... i had a good week. i think so. a part from malaysia losed againts denmark on thomas cup semi final, everythings were awesome! starting from wednesday din and i went to tokyo early in the morning (for us 12 pm is very early in the morning) and met with loko, mat la, besar, emy and khalid at tokyo eki. from there we had lunch at karachi in shinjuku (its the first time for loko, khalid, besar and emy) and then straight to sendagaya to see malaysia fight korea in thomas cup quarter final. we all very lucky for getting the 500yen ticket from our beloved embassy. the ticket supposed to be 3000yen! lucky, lucky, lucky uh!!!
malaysia really strong againts korea. we all did our job and thanx to malaysia player for not getting us down. respect to matla, loko, faiz and munzer for cheering non stop till the end. i call my mom afterward and she saw me on tv. man im on tv! lucky again!! after the competition we all really excited for the semis!! we went dinner with kohai at shinokubo syzeria and then me, din, emy, munzer and nabila got our night rest at the korea house, our second home at tokyo.
the next day i woke up very early in the morning. very early! before 12 pm!!! wake others and then went to ueno to see loko again and shopping! we had our brunch (breakfast + lunch) at ueno tenya and then just went shopping there. bought some cool tshirt. i think so. then we left munzer and nabila and went to shinokubo for prayer and some quick after-lunch meal at rung ruen. met haiman and mattar here and then went straight to shibuya o west to see rocket girls with mattar!
i reached at o-west just in time for bubblegum. by the time they started izumi san came beside me and we dance together. she look energetic just the same before we last met. during bubblegum, yuu san, bubblegum's bassist ask anyone there want to come to okinawa with them tomorrow. then i raised up my hand thinking that others will raise their hands too but it seems that only me raised up my hand. i was like... shit.. only me???!!! but then yuu san said "aaa... nizam jyan? ashita isshoni ikou?" meaning "aaa... isnt it nizam? you want to go with us tomorrow?" on the stage, between the previous and the next song, infront of all the crowd. i was like... oh my god... then i replied unconsiously, "ikouka!" (lets go!) then i continued "uso kedo" (just joking anyway) and then i can hear the crowd laughing a little ... thanx god! i did pretty well there. my face was really turning red that time. after bubblegum show i introduced mattar to izumi and we have little chat. it turned out that izumi san is only 18 years old. i thought she was older than me. damn! thanx to mattar for asking her that. after the bubblegum it was the Pink Panda turns. they were good! their bassist was cute and their guitarist was really cool. i checked out them today on their website and surprised to see that their guitarist were from kisarazu! wow.. that was really cool! but i didnt quite like the pink panda style coz they were looking really sexy and over react besides their bassist who looked simple and cute to me.
after pink panda it was none the less... my favourite all time band! conconjump!!! looking cute and energetic as always, they rocking o west so fucking hard!! this time izumi was also beside me dancing and enjoy the show. after the show i went to bubblegum booth and got an awesome welcome from them. as promise i bought their new album and it came with free sticker and their promotional video. again... so lucky!!! after that i got some quick chat with conan san and orenji san before hiroko san came out to conconjump booth. had a quick chat with her, bought their new purple towel and that just it. after that me and mattar had our dinner at shibuya indian restaurant. afterward we met with kohai at hachiko and then went to karaoke to kill our time. oh.. i forgot to tell that i missed sp lunch and conconjump new song really touched my heart.
so the next day, once again we gathered at sendagaya to see thomas cup semi final. with high spirit we enter the hall to see our malaysia team reach final but it just not our day, we losed to denmark by 3-2. anyway, it was a good game. i was satisfied overall although some feeling tell me to feel sad. after the game me, din and emy decided to go home to kisarazu coz we running out of cash. for your information, golden week meanings holiday all out, everythings are on holiday including atm machine. so funny huh.
today my tutor came and teach me programming. i was so lucky to have tutor like him. then in evening pachi from chiba dai called coz he and the other chiba dai boyz like to come to kisarazu this evening. so they came and we had dinner and some kisarazu tour together. during journey back home, pachi car tyre got some crack from something on the street and we had to change pachi tyre. this time we were not so lucky... but we all had fun, i know i do hehe.
ok thats all for now. im still waiting for the asean festival picts from my frenz. before the picts came i had to skip the asean festival story. and i will someday continue my spring break journey story hehe. see you guys soon! [[2 pieces of advice . . .]]
Monday, May 01, 2006 (10:59 AM)
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yesterday was awesome! we performed our first ever live!!! i have a lot to talk about it but i need to gather some pictures first from my friends. i will tell you guys all about it later!!! [[1 pieces of advice . . .]]